» Permission Fields are the energetic barriers we encounter that serve to constrict and limit us by way of keeping us safe and protected. But it is only a perception, and it can be reshaped in service of growth «
For the last 4 years I have been collaborating with a friend, holding and facilitating equinox and solstice ceremonies. When my friend first approached me to collaborate with her, I had an instant yes, and also a wondering; I wonder how we will shape each other in this service? Moving from friendship into a pseudo business style relationship was(is) sure to push different buttons and arrange us in our less than usual ways around each other. I was curious.
It didn't take too long for these kinks in our field to become known. Here was me, slowe(er), contemplative and methodical; someone who looooves spreadsheets, and here was she, dynamic, intense, inspiring and living life to breaking point. As friends, we complement each other's strengths, but as collaborators, this became more challenging. Yup we hit the curve a few times trying to accommodate each other's ways.
But what started emerging was a willingness to meet our ruptures each time, and to move towards repair. In a way, we were setting up a relational field that enabled us to go deep, take risks and challenge each other.
With that willingness in place, new layers started to peel back, and I found myself dreaming into the person I wanted to become. Typically, I'm that person behind the scenes who's dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's. Archetypally I would be the stage director, the behind the scenes gem that ensures all goes smoothly and the protagonist shines. And I willingly apply myself in such a way, so that it is not I that has the spotlight on me.
But there came a point where I knew I had outgrown this arrangement, it was old and familiar and offered me no stretch.
Now these equinox and solstice ceremonies are useful markers in time. I can tell you it took a year (4 ceremonies) to shift this dynamic right to the core of my being. And to do that, I needed to open up the permission field; to allow my self to shine.
I speak in permission fields because it then becomes a conscious statement and an energetic intention. Can I allow my self to ... in my case, shine?
This particular permission field hit against my embodied nervous system red-alert alarm of 'it's not safe to be seen!'. The intelligence of my body was such that it would blank my mind, dry my throat, and send my awareness scurrying into a corner. To manage this, I was a bit of a 'prepper'. Did I mention I liked my spreadsheets?
Ceremony after ceremony I had to sit in the discomfort of meeting that belief, and being seen anyway. And trusting that I would say what needed to be said, even if it was just for a minute of air-time, something would be transmitted. Slowly the air-time got longer and my offerings became more coherent and spontaneous. My mind-body was receiving new information, new neural pathways were being formed.
One day, after a sound-healing treatment with my friend Miri, I started receiving the word "effulgent" in my mind. I couldn't switch it off or divert my attention away from it. I was curious if this was even a word as I had not heard it before. I looked it up and found the meaning to be 'shining brightly, radiant, emanating joy and goodness from their being'.
That opened a door for me. I'm totally down with that definition and I invited effulgence into my whole being.
And don't ya' know it, there is pretty much going to be a kick-back from those around us as we step up, step out, change shape, shift focus. Rather than deflecting my shine on her, I was allowing my self to shine; effulgently. My friend, bless her, felt my shift-in-shine as a rejection.
I get it, I've done the same when someone has taken their power, love, worth away from me. I held on, thinking my power, love and worth was sourced from them longer than I needed.
Relationally, this shift wasn't paying dividends. My permission field at this stage was only as large as my personal field. I wasn't (yet) receiving feedback from the world that this permission was ok. Quite the opposite; it was creating all kinds of rupture style rearrangements.
And it dawned on me; I was still energetically asking for permission from someone else for me to do and be a certain way.
That was never going to get me past the finish line, I was handing over my power (my permission field) to someone else, who, truth be told, had a vested interest in me NOT changing at that time.
But by this stage, this calling forth of my Self towards emanating joy and goodness from my being was not going to be quelled. Life kept delivering me opportunities to 'take up space' as I called it.
Slowly slowly slowly, Life and Therapy helped me to shift my relationship towards my embodied experience of taking up space. Of claiming space. Of showing up. Stepping up. Allowing me to be me. Of loving the opportunity to emanate joy. I could now feel my mind staying present when the spotlight was on me. My heartbeat was starting to regulate with the group gaze upon me. My voice was beginning to stay steady, my words were starting to feel inspired.
So let's test your inner resolve, says Life. Spring Equinox 2024. I am to hold and facilitate on my own as my friend is overseas.
Part of me feels daunted. But something in me wants to stretch the boundaries of what we've done before. Not only am I wanting to use a complex mantra (relatively; it's 4 lines instead of our usual one line), I am feeling inspired-to-the-edge-of-my-comfort-zone, to offer a mantra sung in 4 part harmony by my self and my dear singing companions.
I know I've got the support I need, and I know that I can lead, without over-prepping. There's an appreciation of my planning to do 'just enough' so that the evening runs smoothly, but not more than is actually needed.
During the course of the ceremony, the nerves were there at the beginning, but after we began, a steady stillness pervaded my awareness. The more space I 'took', the more love I wanted to emanate.
To the degree that I gave my Self permission to shine, I felt the equal presence of stillness and love.
I rest in that.
The evening went flawlessly. Beyond even what I had imagined I was capable of delivering.
Permission granted, winks Life :-)
oh yeah... I said 'how to' in the title...
Here's my How To Open Up Your Permission Field
1. Recognise where you judge other people for something they do - interestingly it often points to where you do not give your self permission to do that very thing.
2. What do those judgy voices say? Can you overhear your self as you judge them? Eg: "She's too ... [loud]" "He takes up too much space" whatever the voice is saying, is often the same voice that is not allowing you to do the same. And to be fair, this voice will have good reason and ample evidence to qualify their good reason.
3. Can you turn those judgements back on your self? Instead of 'he, she, they', how about 'I'. Check it out.
4. Can you soften into those judgements? Let Life guide you to explore and experiment with coming into contact, or the edge of that judgement.
5. What's being protected? Those voices are likely trying to protect you from shame or rejection or hopelessness, or whatever the wounding is around it. Take this to therapy.
6. Antidote the voices. For example, it feels better to emanate joy than it does to hide my light. And my part that is protecting me feels that too. We're in alliance together. There's a willingness to change.
7. With intention and attention, open your permission field. I give my self permission to ... (for example; make mistakes! - that's a great one to tuck into your kete!)
8. Practice. Life will deliver you the school lesson, trust me!
If you would like support in integrating your exploration into growing your permission field, or getting clear about what is or is not in your permission field, get in touch, I'd love to support you.
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